How do you capture a moment, or make a memory out of it which is timeless
June 6, 2024
2 Days left
I started journaling last year in April 2023, made pages on Notion for each month, wrote some philosophical ideas, let me look what exactly I wrote … ahh… nothing, just bullet points of things I was learning at that time and a foolish goal inspired by Gawx of hitting 100K on my Insta’s art page which currently has just 28 followers. In May, a thought:
Cut to January 2024, started again and continued till April, writing my goals, ideas from characters of my favorite shows and just like that…
The point is the title of this blog post, I developed a bad habit of badmouthing myself over time, demeaning myself, always worrying about the future since school. I didn’t realize it until school got over one day, a sudden change that left me awestruck. Now when I think of it, I just miss it so much.
Some days, I have dreams of my school life: happy dreams of playing in the basketball court, classroom chats and jokes, visuals of me getting ready for school, and walking from my home to school, thinking, “Aaj toh ye krunga school mein, cricket khelunga, English ke ques ans bhi likhne hai and what not,” and suddenly I wake up and realize 😞 there is no school anymore.
I’m so worried about the future. Some days, planning 2-3 years ahead and some days, regretting not enjoying my past school days. But there is one thing — even though I didn’t like myself back in school, thought I looked ugly, annoying — now I just smile thinking about it…
I joined college, but my habits stayed the same. I kept on whining and running from my present. And here I am, again standing on that doorstep, that same event where my college life is about to end. Back then, I didn’t realize how fast the farewell day came, but now I have that same feeling of everything coming to an end. I can feel time slipping by quickly.
I don’t know how my college life passed so quickly. I just have memories of spending time with my friends in the classroom and outside in the park, traveling a few places in Jaipur, joking, making fun of each other, eating lunch together.
The school regret is the first reason I started thinking about my wishes, moments, friends, and memories. The second is the philosophical stuff from YouTube and reels about life and college that I used to hear, specifically this one about aging:
"You are the luckiest people in the world because you’re still 21. It’s so much better for your life to be ahead of you and your pockets to be empty than for your life to be behind you and your pockets full."
He says he would trade all his followers and everything just to be 21 again.
This advice shook me. Like, for what was I whining? I should live happily during my young years, working hard, enjoying doing things I like. Life is really short once you realize you will die one day. I have so many things to do. I should journal more, write my thoughts, capture moments. I don’t like vlogs, but I can write. I started writing in my school diary immediately after that, jotting my personal, private thoughts in short sentences, just like Sanjay Singhania from Ghajini, who wrote his life in diaries, year by year.
I have a timer set in my browser’s new tab, counting down to my 22nd birthday. This is the only time I have left until I lose my 21st year. I’ll never be this age again, it won’t come back. I can’t do much in such a short amount of time, but I wrote this to make things memorable, to preserve this very moment.
Hope when the 28-year-old me reads this, he’ll be a better, happier person who found peace within himself.
This blog is an attempt to keep reminding myself to not fall into that vicious trap again and to keep moving forward. Though I’ve written a lot in my Notion and diary, this is public.
I have so much to write about myself, good and bad, a lot not to be told to anyone, but still, it is with me at least when I write.
I don’t know who’ll read this, or why. I tried my best to write. I probably made a lot of mistakes — grammatical, tense-wise, repeated words. It’s a little tough to write all by yourself, but today I don’t know how I got motivated to write this much.
See you a year later, when the college farewell comes, approximately 10 months from now…