today was something special, few people came to visit me to see me for the arrange marriage, i was nervous initially but then they asked few questions only, related to career and studies but then i was thinking, this is too early or time is going too fast, im 22 yrs of age and i still dont earn a single penny, although exams and job are just few mnths away, my graduation is abt to complete, its the last year
later in evening i was thinking abt virat, how he was a monster in year 2016, he was in complete destruction mode, extremely focused towards his carrer, that year was his best, i also want that in my life, a year in which i achieve maximum success, powerful confident man
then at night i saw a yt video on attack on titan analysis named how eren yeager was same all along from his childhood to the end, his intentions, thoughts were clear right from the beggining from season1, but still no one figured out that 13 yrs later in the final seasons he'll this monster and destructive, there were moments when his thinking, thoughts were influenced by people around him and advices given by them by mikasa, armin, levi
i watched first episode again today, im thinking about watching one episode daily and write my thoughts on it, but it'll me too much work, anyway ... it will help me to be in zone
i installed pinterest again saw some nsfw stuff, but it didn't aroused me that much bcoz my mind was towards getting a job asap, and get married, else my thoughts will keep distracting me
instead of just thiking abt sex, lets get through it and tackle it once n for all
so i have to be extremely focused for atleast next 6 mnths
i read few books today, and an inner desire came to just be in this zone where i just read books, study for exam, draw stuff, exercise hard and sleep, just this nothing else, no shows, no video stuff, no nsfw stuff, no overthinking abt stupid people .....
scary shit
Last night i couldn't sleep, i wanted to stay off my phone and laptop and i was thinking actually overthinking a lot, a lot of ideas were coming to my mind related to career, life
here's the raw list :-
i imagined and thought about all these things, while i was lying naked in my bed tickling with my lil cck stroking it hard again and again, imagining scenarios, complete bullshit and then after few hours i couldn't hold much longer, woke up turned on the light and started studying, after few minutes i don't know i just turned on my phone, and then it all happend in short i relapsed two times, didn't do anything couldn't sleep properly lost all motivation to do the stuff i was imagining the whole night and this happns with me a lot